05:11am
i am so sick of hating everything and going back to being "normal", though i dont think i've ever felt okay in my entire life, i don't know what that feels like. I'm so used to feeling like shit every second of my life. maybe i am jsut crazy because even if i did have a good day it still wouldn't be a "normal" day, I'm constantly shifting from one end to the other which i guess is jsut me being manic and i dont know how to stop it God bless. and even if i am self aware i don't have the abilities to help myself, there's jsut nothing i can do because it'll already be too late. Also tumblr is awful don't ever go on that site looking for anything Because you wont Find It. TW kinda ------- and thanks to that and finding 0 help and being alone Thank u whoever put the thought of just taking all the ibuprofen pills at once because theyre in my room right now bc I am experiencing Cramps Thank u so much god bless america. Even though I know this is gonna pass liek it always does and i'll be fine like 30 seconds later starting NOW i still hate having to feel this way before things get 'better' I hate my life so bad i want to restart and live a better life and have people that actually care about me and don't fucking ignore me all the fucking time Ohhhhhh Okay

01:50am
i rly dont know what 2 do HNJUIKHNFJUHG like.. There is just a void of emptiness inside me. any sort of happiness i feel, it just goes away instantly. how much longer can i go on living off of short-term happiness etc..? i would talk abt it but there isnt much to say anymore. my life is so shitty idk why i cant have nice things why am i so cursed!!!!!!!!! awful valentines day btw. I spent all day sleeping bc i dont have anything to do. lol i cancelled that employment help thing weeks ago bc i knew no one would help me get any ID to even apply so why would i bother trying to help myself anymore when im not even allowed to without any identifications. but its not like i care anyways. i was born to suffer until i die so i'll deal with it on my own like always and never know whats truly wrong with me

05:33am
everything is going so wrong i dont even know how to feel abt anything.. I feel like crying but what good would that would do. Also I wish i wasnt front stuck heplp I cannot be here for when shit hits the fucking fan in the next few weeks :( anyways i love my friends thyre all that matters to me + akutagwa

01:00am
A LOT HAS HAPPENED!! so i did finally get to eat yesterday (?) I think, idk I have no concept of time anymore like /srs but I did get to eat even though it was bad HNFJKEHNDKIHNUV and my bestest frien d ever elias :(( the kindest soul in the universe we don't deserve him at all, bought me a bunch of stuff that will arrive soon and im so excited!! i have no idea how id ever repay him hes done so much for me idk what i'd do without him or rory :(( Tehy are everything to me I love them so much i cant put into words how greatful i am to them. ALSO WE WATCHED SKINAMARINK AND HECK .. That was lietrallt so traumatizing and scary what the FUck

03:21pm
yippee!! i got to hang out with my bestie ever (elias) and finished watching bojack s3 Im going tok kill myself fr.. and we got up to chapter 89 of bsd I WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE LIKEEEEEEEE GIVE ME AKUTAGAWA BACK IM SO SICKKK GIVE ME HIM BACKK I MSISS HMM SO MUCH IWANT OT DIE. Hungry also. Goodnite

07:52am
my head hurts and i'm hungry.. no food.. made another neocities with the annesroom url bc i wanna make a site like my ability. Pain in the fucking ass dear god. added a music player tho mwahaha

12:52am
i dont even know what i am doing FUCK

8:44am
in so much pain making this help bruh